Your child may respond to all questions with “I don’t care” or “It doesn’t matter.”
Many parents believe that if they find a way to motivate their child, it will make them more successful.
It’s not like that to me. These kids are motivated to resist, withdraw, and underperform. They behave in.
It’s impossible for teens or pre-teens to be motivated. Everyone is motivated in one way or another.
These kids are driven to resist and do nothing.
It is an action to do nothing. It is an act to resist, to resist their parents and teachers. They are motivated to use their words and actions to express their disapproval.
Realize that your adolescent wants to do nothing and you will see that she is very energetic about resisting you.
Talking with underachievers is a great way to hear their ideas, which I call thinking mistakes. They tell me:
“It is too difficult.”
“It doesn’t matter.”
They say, “And most importantly, they say:
“I don’t care.”
Actually, “I don’t care” is their magic wand. They feel empowered and in control when they say “I don’t care”. They can say “I don’t care” when they feel anxious or stressed.
Fear of failure? “I don’t care.”
Is it difficult to do? “I don’t care.”
They do this because it’s how they attempt to solve basic problems in everyday life.
To address this problem, you must first understand that you cannot make your child’s care. Let’s face it, you can’t bring a horse to the water, but you can make him drink.
You can make him thirsty. That’s how you manage a child who doesn’t care.
These are 9 steps you can take when your child isn’t achieving his goals.
1. Find out what you can use for incentives and rewards
You should look for rewards that your child can use. Pay attention to what your child enjoys and cares about. Don’t believe him when he says he doesn’t care about anything. He will tell you that “nothing is important.”
Take a look at his actions. You can see his habits if he texts, text, or watches TV.
Is he a fan of going to the movies? Is he a fan of fishing? Make a list of all the things that he likes to do and then write them down.
Although I recommend that parents sit down together with their children to create this list, it is not a good idea for kids who are more inclined to keep the list. Ask a child who is passive-aggressive if he doesn’t want to tell you. Keep in mind that he will withhold information to maintain control.
Once you have an inventory of his interests, you can use this information to reward him with incentives or rewards.
Parents: A child who refuses to do his chores or attends to his work is not the same as someone who is depressed. You should take your child’s behavior seriously if he won’t get out of his bedroom, doesn’t care what you do, or is withdrawing from the world.
2. Get the electronics out of his room
My opinion is that children who are not able to read and write well should not have electronic devices in their bedrooms. It is a place where they can escape.
The computer should not be kept in a child’s bedroom. If he intends to use it, he should be able to access it with others.
A TV and/or video games should not be allowed in the room. If he isn’t performing, you shouldn’t allow him to have his cell phone.
3. Give your child privileges
Unmotivated children must be held accountable, I believe. You must earn everything. These kids shouldn’t have to live in pain if they don’t fulfill their daily responsibilities.
Let them play video games every single day. How do they get them? Do their homework and do their chores. Do the same with your children. Make them earn their cell phones today so they can start over tomorrow.
This is the way real life works. You don’t get paid if you don’t work and you don’t get what you want.
4. Talk about what your child wants
Talking to your child about the things he wants to do in his life is a good idea, especially when times are good. You can sneak in other ideas to encourage your child to consider how he will get what he wants in his life.
Talk to your child about:
“So which kind of car do you want? Are you a fan of Jeeps ?”
You can get him to speak about what you want. You’ll be able to say it later.
“Look. I care about your well-being and I want you get the Jeep–and it’s not possible without doing your research.”
This is how I would talk to my child as a parent from pre-adolescence. You could say:
Just think, one day you will have your own place. What type of place em would you prefer em>
This is the kind of thing that motivate teens, because it’s real to them. They would like to live in an apartment. They would like to have a girlfriend/boyfriend. They also want a car.
These conversations also include discussions about how to achieve those goals.
Don’t give your pre-teen or teen a lecture when you want them do something. Make them realize that fulfilling their responsibilities is best for their future.
5. Do not shout or argue
You shouldn’t shout, it’s just a way to express frustration and let your child know you are in control.
The truth is that people who shout are usually not finding solutions. You have to be cool with underperforming children. If your teen is using withholding as a strategy for establishing a relationship, it’s not worth arguing, pleading, or trying to get them to open up.
My opinion is that you can do almost anything in five minutes. You can bargain, you have the ability to reason, and you can talk with your child about their feelings. You can say “Is there something wrong?” but a chronic withholder will likely be motivated to ignore your concerns.
6. Tell your child that what she does matters to you
Your child should know that you care about what she does. It can be personalized by saying:
It matters to me. It is important to me. I want you to succeed. It’s not possible for me to force you to do this, and I will not make it happen. It matters to me .”
It doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t take it personally. To take something personally is to believe that your child is being inappropriate. It’s not. It’s not. Their behavior is their overall strategy for dealing with stress in life.
Because relationships can be motivating, the concept of “It matters to me” is helpful. However, you must remember that your child is an individual. If she doesn’t want or need to perform, it’s not your fault. It’s up to you to create a plan to increase her likelihood of fulfilling her responsibilities.
Don’t take it personal, as though you must make her do it. You can’t force her to do something she doesn’t like. You can make her accountable.
7. Do not do the work of your child
Children learn from an early age that if they act helpless or give up, someone will help them. You can become helpless by acting out. This is called learned Helplessness by psychologists. You will eventually believe you are helpless. This is a terrible lesson.
This shortcut is a way for teens and kids to lose their independence. Many times, you will find that children in these families are not allowed to be independent. Maybe they were forced to follow a set path and had no choice but to choose from a list of choices. They gave up eventually. They gave up.
No matter the reason your child has learned helplessness, it is important that you, as a parent stop doing things he doesn’t need to do. Do not do his homework. Don’t take care of his chores. Do not do his laundry. These things should be left to him. While you can help him if needed, don’t assume that he will do the same.
Independence is something that I believe an adolescent must learn. If you assume his responsibilities, you are denying him the chance to learn independence.
8. Coach Your Child
Let’s face the facts: It’s often our children’s sports coaches that get the best out of us. Their job is to inspire kids to learn new skills.
A coach who is a good coach challenges his players and praises them for their achievements is a great coach.
“Nice layup, Josh. Your hands were better that time. Keep up the good work!
When your children are given a responsibility, you should do the exact same thing with them.
A good coach won’t give unearned praise to motivate their students. It’s not helpful to tell someone how good they are at something they don’t do well at. Children see right through lies and flattery just as adults. It often backfires.
Parents should learn more about coaching parenting styles. Keep your child focused on the future. Instead of telling your child how proud they are of their efforts, comment on them.
9. Establish Deadlines and use Structure
Your child should be clear about when chores and schoolwork are due. To give structure to these children, I believe it is important to plan them. Tell your child:
You’ll be able to do your chores between 3 and 4 p.m. and have time for dinner. You can also do whatever you like em>
There are many options. There are many possibilities.
“If this is something you can do in X time, we’ll take you to your cousin’s home on Saturday.”
Keep in mind that not all things your child enjoys doing costs money. Be creative with your ideas and use the list you have.
Your child will feel empowered and in control if he is an underachiever. He doesn’t have the worry of failing or having to meet difficult responsibilities. He doesn’t have the pressure of competing with other children. He doesn’t have the responsibility of meeting other people’s expectations.
One of the main reasons people underachieve is because they have difficulty managing their expectations. Because people expect you to do more when you achieve. This is a powerful feeling that kids feel and can’t defend against. You’ll often find that these children fall apart when you start expecting more from them.
It’s not about who is to blame. It’s all about who will take responsibility. An underachiever kid is motivated to do less or to not do anything because it gives him a sense power and takes him away from the stress of meeting his responsibilities.
As a parent, your job is to coach him to fulfill those responsibilities, regardless of anxiety, fear, or apathy. Your job is to hold him responsible for failing to fulfill those responsibilities.